So as I begin this post I know it is a sensitive and very emotional subject and topic for many. It was for me and I’m glad it is over. At the same time it is something I definitely want to talk about because I believe it is an area that a lot of people do not talk about even though it is so common. Hopefully someone reading this that may be going through a miscarriage or is having a difficult time conceiving can find some peace in knowing they are not alone.
While we were trying to get pregnant I read A LOT of articles. One of the things you will often read about is when is the right time to tell people you are pregnant. I knew that everything I read said miscarriages are very common and have the most likely chance of happening so early that the woman may not have even realized she was pregnant. Well, since we were trying, as soon as I was two days late for my period we took the test. We also did not listen to all articles that say you should wait to tell anyone until you make it out of your first trimester or until you get a chance to see or hear the heartbeat. We did not tell everyone though, thankfully. We shared our joy with our immediate family and a few friends within the first few days of finding out. Well about a week and a half after we got the pregnancy test I woke up for work and when I went to the restroom there was blood. I remember very loudly waking up Nick and saying “I’m bleeding.” We did not really know what to do. It was 5:30am and it did not seem like a situation that would warrant going to the emergency room because at this time there was no cramping or pain of any kind. So we waited until I got to work to call the doctor and see what to do.
The only thing they can really do when you are that early (5 1/2 weeks) is check your HCG levels and then check them again a few days later. For those who may not know, HCG is the hormone that becomes present when you are pregnant. The levels should at least double every 48-72 hours. I went to an urgent care that same day and my levels were where they should be for being 5 1/2 weeks pregnant but that is not always a positive indicator. HCG levels still have the ability to rise for a few days even if a miscarriage is taking place. I was instructed to return to urgent care in two days to have my levels checked again. Well that next morning I was in so much pain from cramping I left work and when I got home I immediately passed multiple large blood clots. I waited for Nick to get home and we headed to the ER at this point. After blood work and an ultrasound it was determined that an amniotic sac was present but there was no sign of anything else. The doctor made sure I realized at that point it is very possible that nothing would be present even if I was not having a miscarriage. My levels has also went up from the previous day. The ER told me to return two days later to have my levels checked (AGAIN) to determine the status.
I generally do not consider myself a negative person but more of a realistic person. Knowing my body and what I was feeling I just felt deep down that it was not going to be a viable pregnancy. One thing I want to encourage here is – stay off of WebMD, Google, or any other internet search engine if you are going through something like this. You won’t listen to me. I didn’t even listen to myself and I searched and I Googled and I drove myself bananas! It, unfortunately, took a long time for us to get the definite result of a miscarriage. My levels kept rising for about a week and at that time they scheduled me for an ultrasound two weeks later. So about 3 1/2 weeks after the bleeding started the ultrasound showed no sign of an amniotic sac or fetus. I can honestly say by this time I had accepted and done the grieving that was going to take place. Nick and I were both just ready to be done with the process so that we could start trying again.
This next part may be a little TMI but I want to share as much information as possible without getting too graphic! For me the original bleeding lasted about five days and included clots that they said were probably small pieces of tissue. At that time I stopped bleeding for ten days and then I started bleeding again (I thought I was just getting back on my normal cycle and having a period) and it lasted for three weeks. I remember being amazed at how there could possibly be so much blood and “tissue” when I was only 5 1/2 weeks which actually means only probably 2 weeks since implantation! This brought us to the middle of October before the bleeding had completely stopped and we could try to start monitoring ovulation again. For the next part of our journey please take a look at Part II of The Process of Conceiving!